The Daily Hook

A friend pointed me to this Craigslist personal ad. Here it is before it expires,

I am an exciting girl, I have curves with loose gravel at the edges. I have a pet goat, his name is Billy, I named him myself. I like Pollo Loco and visiting hardware stores. My mother says I look practicable and mostly clean. I have never dated a boy but one almost asked me out once to help him change a flat tire on his goped. I wear Hello Kitty pajamas and pray that Brittney Spears will find God. I am looking for a boy that likes to sit and watch the light rail and drink bottled water. My mom wants to be there on our first date and will pay for the chicken. Its OK if you are fat and have a complexion consideration, please take shower before we meet. I will too. I like action movies like Ghost World and Welcome to the Dollhouse. You don’t have to send a picture. I don’t care.

and my friends response,

I will only go on date if mom drives us. I used to have a car but my sister stole it and I couldn’t report it to insurance company because they would only raise my rates. I prefer dates after 1am, less people outside. I am pretty social person I have a ferret named Charlie that I talk to all day. Lets meet on Tuesday, thats my weekly shower day. My favorite kind of water is tap, I fill used bottles, let’s hope this is OK. I prefer Taco Bell, I am a coupon whore and its fits my budget. I love light rails, I got on one time but was asked to leave, something about having to buy a ticket. Weird. I only eat breakfast for all three meals of the day. I only eat cereal with warm water, that has been poured out of cereal boxes that have had all flaps on top cut off because the cereal industry treats the boxes with an addictive chemical and if you ever cut yourself on that while opening the box you will forever be addicted to that cereal. I REFUSE to be Kellogg’s zombie whore like all those people on the television boxes! I love watching serious movies like the Waterboy, and Saw II. I only like animals that don’t lick you. Goats are okay. Let me know the time we will go on our date.

ha .. the end.