The Daily Hook

OMFG!@#@! This is the funniest shit I have come across in awhile. Of course, that means it belongs on The Daily Hook. I present to you, The Breakup Letter, Dramatic Reading.

http://youmakemetouchyourhandsforstupidreasons.ytmnd.com/

A friend pointed me to this Craigslist personal ad. Here it is before it expires,

I am an exciting girl, I have curves with loose gravel at the edges. I have a pet goat, his name is Billy, I named him myself. I like Pollo Loco and visiting hardware stores. My mother says I look practicable and mostly clean. I have never dated a boy but one almost asked me out once to help him change a flat tire on his goped. I wear Hello Kitty pajamas and pray that Brittney Spears will find God. I am looking for a boy that likes to sit and watch the light rail and drink bottled water. My mom wants to be there on our first date and will pay for the chicken. Its OK if you are fat and have a complexion consideration, please take shower before we meet. I will too. I like action movies like Ghost World and Welcome to the Dollhouse. You don’t have to send a picture. I don’t care.

and my friends response,

I will only go on date if mom drives us. I used to have a car but my sister stole it and I couldn’t report it to insurance company because they would only raise my rates. I prefer dates after 1am, less people outside. I am pretty social person I have a ferret named Charlie that I talk to all day. Lets meet on Tuesday, thats my weekly shower day. My favorite kind of water is tap, I fill used bottles, let’s hope this is OK. I prefer Taco Bell, I am a coupon whore and its fits my budget. I love light rails, I got on one time but was asked to leave, something about having to buy a ticket. Weird. I only eat breakfast for all three meals of the day. I only eat cereal with warm water, that has been poured out of cereal boxes that have had all flaps on top cut off because the cereal industry treats the boxes with an addictive chemical and if you ever cut yourself on that while opening the box you will forever be addicted to that cereal. I REFUSE to be Kellogg’s zombie whore like all those people on the television boxes! I love watching serious movies like the Waterboy, and Saw II. I only like animals that don’t lick you. Goats are okay. Let me know the time we will go on our date.

ha .. the end.

This is from the Best of Craigslist. A close friend of The Daily Hook forwarded this to us and I thought it was really amusing! Here’s a few lines to get you interested,

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

Read on at Craigslist.

As you know by now, SBKevin and myself no longer live in the slums of Red Hook. This is the first Thanksgiving I have spent in Brooklyn and I was not disappointed. Shouts out to the Greenhouse Cafe between 77th and 78th on 3rd Ave. They served a top notch Thanksgiving, turkey dinner. Even though I was about 30 years younger than the average age of the occupants of the restaurant it was well worth the experience. Its nice to have some age old wisdom in your life every once awhile. After dinner we headed into the city and went to the popular college bar, Down the Hatch to find that it was CLOSED! This is the first time in my 4 years here in New York that I have ever seen Down the Hatch closed. It was absolutely dead. Luckily Down the Hatch’s brother bar, Off the Wagon, was open for business. The bartenders were pretty upset about working but they made sure that all 20 occupants were having a good time, handing out free shots and drinks. Even though it wasn’t the typical jammed packed Off the Wagon night, it was a chill Thanksgiving evening with a few friends.

Your two favorite podcasters, myself and SBKevin, have been busy as hell. We’re in a transition period moving from Red Hook and our broke ass apartment to our beautiful pink palace in Bay Ridge. Our new apartment is pink from floor to cieling. I’m talkin’ carpet, walls, toilet seat, toilet, counter tops, and furniture. I develop a lisp every time I think about it! But, we’re moving up in the world so stay tuned for more podcasts, news, etc!

..and we’re not talking about board games! We’re bringin’ it back to the good ole days where kids actually use to get off their ass, go outside, and play in the backyard!

This site discusses the Top 10 Most Violent Children’s Games, accompanied by some extremely funny descriptions. Check it!

Mr. Z bringin’ you more Low Income Living stories.

The current temperature is FUCKIN’ HOT! I swear I can take a knife and slice the air because its so thick. I told someone I was going to go across the street to the gas station and stick my head in the ice cream chest. They said “Don’t go actin’ like a crack head!” Oh the irony of that statement. I’d blend right in. In fact, there’d probably be four of them with their heads in the ice crest and I’d have to make one of them move to make room!!

If anyone wants to donate an AC, hit me up! wink wink

First of all, Dr. Hawking is considered to be one of the leading theoretical physicists is the world. This being said …

… this is some funny shit. This could be an Onion article except this is a true news report. Stephen Hawking himself posted a question on Yahoo! Answers asking,

“How can the human race survive the next hundred years?”

I think this is topic material for our next podcast but I think one of the people who actually took the time to answer his question offers a solid answer,

“Simple. Keep eating, keep drinking, keep defecating, keep urinating, keep breathing and keep having sex…”

If everyone followed these simple principles, I think we’d all be in pretty good shape. When it comes to topics such as saving the world, I commonly ask myself three basic questions

• Why build a nuke when you can drink PBR?
• Why drive a car when you can steal a hipster’s bike?
• Why fire a missile when you can shoot a load?

Think about it …